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32you were gone before it even sank in that you were really there.
habit is the worst thing, cause it made me so blind to the fact that you could
just as easily be snatched away from me.
i should have hugged you at least four more times
i've spent the better half of a year being your definition of evil and insane
at the same time. i've known better than everything i've done, but done it
anyway. god knows i've repeated the same tedious/dangerous/stupid
actions over and over wanting/expecting different results.
you wouldn't be proud of me for anything anymore.
but i'm still mad at you, i'm sure of it. if you waded through the
rising tides, or peeled away my blue like old house paint, you'd find something
that screams how you broke everything inside me. and how you were one single event
that taught me that just cause something ends, that doesn't mean its over.
and that i will waste every single change given to me.
the only thing you ever told me that i listened to, was to rest occasionally.

UntitledIt is midnight and on a coast somewhere past my typical safe zone, I leave my bones like trails to get back to something at least half-whole. Each breath feels like an icicle, hanging off my lungs like a parasite, feeding itself, consuming itself. I try to tell someone that this is not as painful as it is when one does not deserve it. But who wanders a threatened tide when they seek solace?
i think i felt one of the icicles drop, and melt in the middle of my insides, leaving my stomach not quite warm, but not quite cold. i am lukewarm and wishing that just for once i could be whole, a complete something rather than stuck in this middle ground of almost, but never quite. but i deserve it. i deserve it and that makes it okay i guess.
I think of all the hearts I wanted to caress, the cheeks that touched my temples and the smoke that filled my lungs after they left another's. My feet kick a shell and I feel it break against my skin like a fortune cookie. But tonight the ink has

shallow breath, aching bones.this feeling is too big for me.
too giant for my small frame to contain
and its spreading and spilling out and
over my insides and leaving me waking
up with bruises from dreams so real
they hurt.
this feeling is too much for me.
i can't carry it all, it leave part of it
dragging alongthe ground behind
me and i tend to forget its there
and i trip over it and fall to ground.
i decided to collect bruises
but i dont have to look to far
they tend to seek me out
and scatter themselves across my skin.

1.i wish this were the kind of fire that i could put out.

it feels like i'm burning,
i'm lost and i'm running, chasing something that i don't even know exists anymore.
but i'm stuck in motion and my feet keep hitting the ground and its making my bones tremble
under the weight and the impact.

everyone in the history of ever just keeps telling me that if you want something you should fight for it.
that if you really think it should be yours, then you should chase after it, and not stop until you have it there
right in the palm of your hands, or in your arms, or tied to a sinking ship.
but i keep chasing it, and it keeps slipping throug

don't go if you've got more to sayand last night i saw you, the real you
the you that i had buried under layers and layers of
blues and greens
from trying to find something
that was almost you
but not quite.
and i didn't cry
i didn't shatter into a million stupid pieces
i froze
like you were a car with high beams
and i was a scared little deer.
cause i hadn't seen past this you i made up
for so fucking long.
but i remembered
that you didn't catch my attention at first.
but when you did.
my god
i couldn't look away.
and i wish i had have stayed
with my eyes closed.
cause i was so proud of myself
for tearing my heart
away from you
and out of underneath your skin
or between your fingers

internalwe had a code, a way of telling the other that our mind wasn't stable that day
'i feel like smashing all the plates in the house again today'
not so secret; not too clever
but it worked
you said it every single day for two weeks, and it was always followed by you tossing your head back to gulp down half a
bottle of rot gut. i told you to stop it, and you tried.
it lasted two days.
then it got worse.
worse, worse, worse. i started to wonder if you were just getting more 'you'.
maybe you were just an inherent fuck-up, and it was hardwired into your dna.
god, you really were more than just unstable.
but you were delicate.
fucking fragile.
god dam this world makes me mad sometimes. everyone is too busy trying to stop
people hurting other people, that they don't notice those hurting
themselves.
i noticed you.
no-one else did though.
no-one ever fucking does.

11.the internal oceans are more threatening
come winter
it makes them cold
and leaves her shaking
right to her core

its okay in summer
they're warm
and golden

but the icy blues
and stark whites
leave her shaken
and vulnerable

and scared you'll
slip back inside
trying to warm
but really only intending
to break
and burn

039i spent 3.50 on this coffee from some hole in the wall and its not really doing anything to ease me or wake me up from this shaken state i'm stuck in, but its helping my hands keep still or away from trouble.
you're avoiding. talk.
the barrister put two sugars instead of one, its too sweet, but i'll drink it anyway. look. i haven't gotten anything spilled on me yet.
god dammit, just stop it. you need to tell me what the fuck happened last night. there was blood on your shoes and you jumped out of your skin when i touch you even the smallest amount. where did you go?
just. out. with. some friends.
you are so full of shit you know that. your right fingers tapping. that's your tell.
well done. i'm still not telling you, cause its not your business.

031.Things to do;
1) admire the entire city from the rooftop
2) smoke a whole packet of dunhill reds.
3) Jump.

for california.
i remember the day you ripped you chest open, and let me peer inside at the darkness and the water rising up to settle in the crook of you neck. you had scribbled it down in notebooks, and i'd heard you howling at 3am when the walls were closing in on you. somehow we both thought running from it was the best solution, never wanting to see it in its full figure, scared it might take me with you. or you with me.
you poured it out in waves, crashing and subsiding but never stopping. i sat, stiller than i'd ever sat before, my hands hovering over your shoulders trying to figure out how to comfort you. how to place my hands on you in such a way that i might be able to keep you together, stop you from splitting open or unraveling. you said you were going face your demons, look them in the eye and tell them to do their worst, do their best to destroy you.
i guess you thought that they couldn't do anything worse than you had done to yourse

Untitledthings she's destroyed this year;
two washing machines
from the pockets she fills with rocks
when the rains come and she wants to drown
the corners of all her books from flicking
bending and shaking edges
whenever she thinks of you
you stupid boy
her first car
crumpled in a ravine
and it left a scar on her stomach
that she sometimes can poke
and feel a lump that science can't explain
and she thinks it physical sadness
resting
waiting
the entire box of plates
that her mother gave her for moving out
and making it on her own
well, she almost made it
but something about them
being under the ground left
her shaking uncontrollably
and the tears slid underneath fingertips
and she lost the grip
and didn't notice until she'd ran to phone
and left a trail of her insides
along the corridor.
her heart lines
or whatever it is that lets the happiness in
they're sealed shut
tight and all she can do is
stare
at things that don't notice her
whatever it was that connected him
and her
and let the sparks

waste.distance is the worst thing ever
and i think
'if these people were closer, everything would
just be so much better'
but then i stop
and remember all the people in my town
who i barely see
and the thought
s
i
n
k
s
to the same place
he sits
he's my bottom
my rock bottom

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336.does it count as a sign
some grand
NOTICE THIS AND PAY ATTENTION
THE UNIVERSE IS TRYING TO HELP YOU
if its something you put there intentionally
and for this exact reason.
and when does divine intervention
become a fucking coincidence?

the city is my witness.there was a fire, in the pits of her stomach, filling her with warmth that wrapped around bones and flourished on her skin like war paint. it made her fight even when the rain was pouring down on her, like a shower of bullets. it was in there when she was sleeping, making sure that she continued to breath and not let anything take her away from the mission, the war that she was going to win.
she had baggage that was heavy, and she was starting to notice it more and more as the years started to change from a trickle to a hurricane force that was threatening to completely destroy her. oceans rising, the flames licking her ribcage, and bones creaking under weights that just kept growing as each month passed.
the flourishes on her skin were becoming darker and less like trophies and more like tiny deaths that she couldn't shake. there were places that were permanently discoloured, angry and sore. the fire gave way to tangled thoughts and a twisted stomach with a constant sinking feeling, a

10.april 10th.
i have lost this battle.
but oh
i am not losing this
mother fucking war.

this is not the time
or the fucking place
to die.

save yourself.i have been crying almost uncontrollably for several days now, and i am torn between love for everything you've
done and hate for the single thing you did. its not like i never saw this coming, i did. but fuck. nothing could ever have
prepared me for this. prepared my chest to be so utterly crushed in an instant. all of a sudden everything was swallowed up
by overwhelming sadness and i wanted so badly to blame you for everything, and just sink into nothingness, or drown it in a
few dozen bottles of anything i could get my hands on.
if you've given up, well so have i.

napowrimoapril 1st
i just sat there
words lodged in my throat
eyes burning with tears that
i wasn't going to let escape
while you broke
into pieces i couldn't fix.
april 2nd
you gave me stained fingertips
the same colour as your belly.
i still dont know if its from
your poorly rolled mentol's
or if its the colour of
the deepest regret
i've ever felt.
april 3rd.
i tried to write this poetically.
with oceans and stars
and metaphors
so large i lose
connection.
but i can't
some things just
aren't poetic.
april 4th.
you're body was
black and blue
but oh god
there was colour.
there was colour.
and colour means life.
right?
even if its clinging on
by its
fingernails.
april 5th.
i think i've broken
in half
two clean
separate parts
one determined to love.
the other begging to die.
april 6th.
'you're not in this alone'
yes.
yes i fucking am.
now go away.
april 7th.
can i please just
curl up
and cry this
all out
let it soak into
the sheets
and even if i
have to burn
everything
i will
cause i want this gon

90.it was always a god damned contest with you.
my bones were charcoal grey and too heavy
well yours were pitch fucking black and unbearably so
i couldn't breathe when someone said that one name
you literally did stop breathing.
i hit you.
you stayed still.
the white traveled even faster
than your hands did
to shove the bloody things
down your fucking throat.
and i blamed myself
and i hate you for that
you unbelievable bastard.

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Submitted: January 5
Submitted with: Sta.sh Writer

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simple math.

by =ohsparrowsong, Jan 5, 2013, 6:10:45 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

_{it was the strangest thing to be complaining about, not liking
feeling -this- human. feeling so fucking vulnerable and exposed, and not
understanding anything that is going on but knowing that its actually
just chemicals that we’ve given names too

too human

too exposed

and far too fucking weak to handle the tidal wave of shitty chemical reactions you
bring with you.}

simple math.by =ohsparrowsong

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

_{day 4.}

~azazelin Jan 18, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

^{too human.}

*glossolalias Jan 9, 2013

but knowing that its actually
---
*it's

just chemicals that we’ve given names too
---
*to (unless this one was intentional; couldn't tell)

otherwise, very well done.

~PassionsInsanity Jan 6, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Honestly, it's kind of hard to place and I'm having a lot of trouble understanding what you're talking about and/or what you mean, but I don't really care. I love this.

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simple math.

simple math.by =ohsparrowsong

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