cover your eyes.i remember i came over to your houseand we watched them fall.we crouched in front of the dimly glowing boxand tried to figure out what we should be feeling while we watched it all unfold in front of us.we knew we were watching people, mothers, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands leave this world.but we just saw smoke and we heard reporters screaching over one another trying to comprehendit while maintaining a professional appearence.but we knew that all humans watching this were trying not to break from the completely overwhelmingflood we were all feeling.i noticed you were crying.you didnt know anyone personally, but your heart was always the biggest and i'm sure you were tryingto make peace with someone up there and wondering why them, and why not someone else.and i know you were never a religious person, despite your upbringing, and in that moment when peoplewere emerging, exhausted, confused and thankful, i knew you never would again. how could any god possiblypick fav
at best.i tired to sum it up in a way that i knew your addled brain could grasp.i'd gotten used to simplifying things for you when you were like this.but from my perspective, this give and take of ours left me feeling like i waschasing that bus that turned up earlier than my brain or the timetable wasready for, and i try and run across the street to reach it. sometimes i do,and i get to rest and breathe. other times i almost reach it, but as my foothits the other side of the road it pulls away and i have to sit there and hopeit comes back around before it gets dark.it was a clumsy way of describing it at best.but i felt right with how much of it was up to somehigher unseen power that most of the time seemed against me.
against this cold.maybe if i had drunken more milk my bones would have been stronger,maybe if i had not read so many magazines i wouldn't have spent all of my senior year tearing myself apart and trying to puke my insecurities out.maybe if i hadnt had spend so many nights out with him,maybe if i had have gone to colorado with you that summer.maybe if i had have picked those fucking secrets out from beneath your teeth,and peeled them from under your tongue.maybe then i would have been able to stop you.maybe then i wouldn't be here.maybe you would.
theres got to be another way.you made me so damn sure if i ever had the chance to burn something more substantial than just some metaphorical bridges.like maybe i could set myself of fire and be reborn or just have a complete re do and try my luck at the draw of life again and hope i get an existence that doesn't make me want to just go extinct or curl up in a ball.or at least one that had some better timing cause i'm sick of finding my way back into your life on days when all you smelllike is death or him (which to me is the same thing) and i always smell failure and utter rejection on myself when i finally make it back to my apartment after shuffling around the city like a lovesick zombie or just a lesser version of whoever i think i would be if you would stop choosing him over me.like last night when he left, you came around and it was like once he leaves your field of vision you forget about him, like hes a god damn doctor who villian. and we talked about pocket relics and how you found the movie stub from
your parents dont need a ghost.i couldn't sleep last nightcause i kept picturing youand then my memory trippedand i remembered the summer we spentcramped in your tour busand how before i opened my eyes completelyyou and himlooked them same.and i felt my heart stopimagining how your parents must feel.and then i stopped againthinking how he must feelevery time he looks in a mirror.
You are EverythingYou are amazing.You are the smiling face,That gave that kidBetter hope for this place.You are the helping hand,Even if you didn’t know it,That helped everything turn outBetter than planned.You are the voiceThat helped someoneMake a vital choice.You are the jokeThat made them laughAnd gave them that strokeOf happiness that they needed.You are the bright eyesThat light the way,A lantern of hopeThrough the fog of lies.You are their push towardsTheir positive afterwards.And you are far from worthless.You,To someone,Are the most important personIn the world.We are all charactersIn someone else’s story.That pivotal point,That pushes them from misery,And leads them to their glory.
.i have lovedunafraid;i have dancedto the music of torturei can forget the rest
I Will Love MyselfSilence was at my doorstep.Rain fell from the storms of my eyesand hit the cold earth of my cheeks.Sunlight fell down my facein gentle waves.And blood tinted lipssmiled only slightly.The gentle springthat bloomed inside my chesthad begun to growand flourishand replace the winterwhose frost had held tightlyonto my heart.Silence was welcome.Tears were shed in joy.Sunlight was here to warmand blood to live.This was it.I had made it.I know who I am.
Eat Something, PleaseIt's your fault, you know.It's you who's spewing your guts into the toilet,like powdery snow.Every day you hit the bathroom floor,grasp the porcelain rims,and your vomit echo through the door.I hate it! I hate it, more than anything in the world.I wish you could just tape your mouth shut,and your noises I could ignore.It's all about you, and the agony you've been through,but through your selfishness and saliva,I hope you realize I suffer too.I stay by your side when you treat me like crap.When you scream at me and yell,I've always had your back.How I wish I could purge when life gets too tough,I wish I could be weak like you,but my strength is just too much.How wonderful it would be, if you could take my place,and when you saw your broken form,then you would see the pathetic look on your face.But “plop, plop, plop” your vomit continues to roar,and through the repetitive screech,how I wish I could slam the door.I wish I had the strength to leave your
I Won't Let You Become Like MeI saw you fall to the floor.Because you couldn’t take this anymore.You laid there and said to me,Through tears that fell from your eyes,“Who cares if I were to die?”Reminding me of those hundreds of times,I’ve seen people bend and break.I’ve gotten so used to smiles that are nothing more than fake.I remembered standing by silently,Watching everyone collapse around me.Seeing bottles scattered around,Broken glass covered the ground.And I wondered to myself,“Is he ever going to get better?”And I watched you as you died,Slowly tearing yourself apart from the inside.Memories are still flickering,Behind my eyes.I suddenly remember my own cries,For someone to save me.Because I was so close to falling,That the abyss seemed more inviting,Than trying to hang on for a moment longer.Because my arms were too tired,To hold on.I am back in reality,Watching you fade away.And I see myself,And the countless other people I’ve wit
i'm cold, could you pass me a blanket?my kindergarten teachertold me there were flowers in my soul.too bad it's always autumn;dead inside of me.the garden is a crumbled heap,and my heart suffocatesbeneath the leaves.
internal.sometimes i feel like your skeletal systemi wrap around your translucent skinand protect the soft pinkflesh within,i guard your heartand your lungsand keep you upright.you don't see me,but without me you'dbe nothing.