cover your eyes.i remember i came over to your houseand we watched them fall.we crouched in front of the dimly glowing boxand tried to figure out what we should be feeling while we watched it all unfold in front of us.we knew we were watching people, mothers, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands leave this world.but we just saw smoke and we heard reporters screaching over one another trying to comprehendit while maintaining a professional appearence.but we knew that all humans watching this were trying not to break from the completely overwhelmingflood we were all feeling.i noticed you were crying.you didnt know anyone personally, but your heart was always the biggest and i'm sure you were tryingto make peace with someone up there and wondering why them, and why not someone else.and i know you were never a religious person, despite your upbringing, and in that moment when peoplewere emerging, exhausted, confused and thankful, i knew you never would again. how could any god possiblypick fav
at best.i tired to sum it up in a way that i knew your addled brain could grasp.i'd gotten used to simplifying things for you when you were like this.but from my perspective, this give and take of ours left me feeling like i waschasing that bus that turned up earlier than my brain or the timetable wasready for, and i try and run across the street to reach it. sometimes i do,and i get to rest and breathe. other times i almost reach it, but as my foothits the other side of the road it pulls away and i have to sit there and hopeit comes back around before it gets dark.it was a clumsy way of describing it at best.but i felt right with how much of it was up to somehigher unseen power that most of the time seemed against me.
against this cold.maybe if i had drunken more milk my bones would have been stronger,maybe if i had not read so many magazines i wouldn't have spent all of my senior year tearing myself apart and trying to puke my insecurities out.maybe if i hadnt had spend so many nights out with him,maybe if i had have gone to colorado with you that summer.maybe if i had have picked those fucking secrets out from beneath your teeth,and peeled them from under your tongue.maybe then i would have been able to stop you.maybe then i wouldn't be here.maybe you would.
theres got to be another way.you made me so damn sure if i ever had the chance to burn something more substantial than just some metaphorical bridges.like maybe i could set myself of fire and be reborn or just have a complete re do and try my luck at the draw of life again and hope i get an existence that doesn't make me want to just go extinct or curl up in a ball.or at least one that had some better timing cause i'm sick of finding my way back into your life on days when all you smelllike is death or him (which to me is the same thing) and i always smell failure and utter rejection on myself when i finally make it back to my apartment after shuffling around the city like a lovesick zombie or just a lesser version of whoever i think i would be if you would stop choosing him over me.like last night when he left, you came around and it was like once he leaves your field of vision you forget about him, like hes a god damn doctor who villian. and we talked about pocket relics and how you found the movie stub from
your parents dont need a ghost.i couldn't sleep last nightcause i kept picturing youand then my memory trippedand i remembered the summer we spentcramped in your tour busand how before i opened my eyes completelyyou and himlooked them same.and i felt my heart stopimagining how your parents must feel.and then i stopped againthinking how he must feelevery time he looks in a mirror.
I'd Rather Be DeadYou're always asking me if I had anything worth dying for.I'll pose the opposite to you and ask you this:"Why is it that you find life to be worth living?"Is it so interesting to go through each day feeling anxious?To the point that you feel nauseated enough to collapse.Is it so joyous to spend each night staring at a blank ceiling,Hearing the clock tick on toward morning,And yet you lie awake.Tired, but awake, emotionless, but awake...Do you truly get up each day, facing it with optimism.Or do you look at the news and the state of the world,And genuinely fear for your safety?Now, if it were me that you had asked my dear,I'd tell you quite honestly: That I'd rather be dead.At least I would not have to hear the white lie inside my head.That tomorrow will bring me a 'better' day...But of course, you are welcome to believe that.
Bully You're ugly.You're stupid.You'll never amount to anything.No one will ever like you.If you think he'll stay, you're mistaken.You have no friends.People hate you.You are a freak.You have no place here.You are nothing more than a coward whois too afraid to step outside half the time.Your face is like something from a horror movie.No one will ever truly fall in love with you.Guys want girls that are beautiful and face it,you are considered everything but that.Hide behind your hair dye because you want tofeign like you don't care.But inside the cruel eyes of others burn holes intoyour soul.You will never amount to anything.The only thing you will ever be good foris cleaning up dog shit.You will never be good enough.Why bother even dreaming?How can you consider the possibility of lovewhen everything you do, the way you look, walk,talk, move, think, can only ever be seen asugly.Not only is the outside hideous;the inside is no better.Why do you think you've
Stripping MeYou may take what you want from me,Be it my pride or dignity.You may throw insults at me,And burn the shredded pieces of my sanity.You may belittle me, as much as you want,If only to make your meager life worth living.---But even if you do all that...---No one will protect you when I pull you into the dark.No one will try to search for you, as my leather ropes tie you down.No one will hear your screams as metallic screws drive into your face,Etching an eternal smile, since you'll never leave this place..."Now then, my dear sweet James, shall we play our favourite game?"
Past Tense BluesWasesAre painful,So are weres;And it's the becausesThat make them feelThat much worse.
We Only Live To DieThis is what we live for—these whispers on our lipsThe drying bits of blood on our paper-cut fingertipsOpening the letters that we left our future selvesA bittersweet reminder of those storybooks on the shelvesThis is what we live for – this emotion in our soulsThe torture and the bittersweet moments of lost controlBiting cracked lips with the dirt beneath our nailsThese moments of imperfection as our trains of thought derailThis is what we live for – shutting doors and opening eyesSmiling for a moment, before the tears reveal our liesThis is what we live for, this reality, this life…This is what we live for,As we only liveTo die.
You're Going to be Okay.It’s not your fault.It’s not what you deserve.Don’t think that way,Because one day,This won’t matter anyways.Keep your head held high for now,I know it hurts,Words can feel suffocating.As you feel like your lungs are collapsing,Under the weight of the pain,In your chest.I know it stings,And it seems like it takes forever for the bell to ring.As you count down the hours.But it doesn’t matter.When you just go home,To sit in your room alone.Because words unlike bruises don’t go away.Once they are said they are here to stay.And silence is excruciating.But being in a crowd of violent stares,Is no better.So where do you go?Is the question you’ll never know.But don’t give up just yet!Things will not always be like this.Yes, today seems hopeless.Tomorrow seems worse.One more day of hearing another hateful word.Might make your head explode,And sometimes you want to drive yourself completely off the road.And crash.Bu
You are someone's reason to liveShe had skin like a cactus-believing shecould only hurtanyone who gottoo close,forgetting thatinside,she held whatpeople neededmost.
You have to know pain to....Sometimes you have to fall apart.You have to bleed out,In order to have the courage to shout.Against the darkness.You have to know what it's like,To feel disconnected,Separated.From reality.To be best friends with your anxiety,Because it's the only thing to keep you company.Because you've never felt so lonely.Even though you're surrounded in a sea of noise,Which drowns out your voice.As you choke,On society's nooseYou're afraid to cut it loose.Because you don't know what others will think of you.You have to know depression.You have to know what it's like to be alone.You have to know what it's like to be silenced.In order to appreciate breathing,And to fall in love with colors.After being blind,For all of that time.And only being able to see memories,On rewind.In order to appreciate a person's presence.And the feeling,Of content.When you finally find a friend.Who will stick with you until the end.And not judge you for your scars.But loves who you are.In
RapeI am a seventeen year old boyI have determination in my bright blue orbs.My smile can calm even the strongest tempest.My friends are nothing short of amazing,and my family...well, they are some of the mostsupportive people I have in my life.I'm going to make it big. Have a family,live in a big house.I'm going to marry my princess, have moneyand success.I'll be happy.And my children will look up to me,so will my wife. I'll protect them,I'll be their role model.I'll be the grandpa my grand kids love.I'll live a long life, until it's time for me to go.And even then, I'll be smiling down, not readyto really depart from happiness.OoOoOoOI'm a seventeen year old boy,and my tears stain my ruffled jacket.I can't smile like I used to, but I try.But I'm still so lonesome.Where were the friends that understood me?Where was the family that supported me?They try, but I can't let them in.My future crumbles, my wife vanishes,my children...their children, drown in thepool o
internal.sometimes i feel like your skeletal systemi wrap around your translucent skinand protect the soft pinkflesh within,i guard your heartand your lungsand keep you upright.you don't see me,but without me you'dbe nothing.