awake from my dream state.it was a leap of faith
but i wish someone had pushed me
so i had someone to blame
[tremble]mother always told her the things that she never wanted to face. like when she learned there are parts of her body that she should hide and not let others see. the marks that scale her thighs from her skin warping from the numbers ticking and her valleys and mountains appearing and disappearing. or the scars she gave herself in grade nine when her small frame couldn't handle all the feelings that were building up inside her and the weight sagged and broke something and she tore herself apart looking for the reason.
it was winter when she turned twenty-one, and she told mother that she felt strange, like all the little things she'd built up in herself, collected over the years had washed over, or been left behind. mother told her that her skin is like the leaves and it will change in colour and it will eventually shed itself in the span of 7 years. she'd already changed twice, but she was feeling it more than ever because by the time your twenty-one, you've already lost so ma
trembling knees.don't give up now.
i know that sometimes the floor seems more comfortable when you're curled in the tightest ball you can muster, or that your knees don't work quite right. you wonder if you'll ever stop aching in a way you can't ever describe, and i'm sorry to tell you that you won't ever learn to describe that. you'll get better. you'll find peace.
cause he's not fucking worth it.
and i know its more than that, i know its all piled up on your shoulders, and tangled your stomach and lungs and entire insides into a knot, and that you never were co-ordinated enough to untangle even your necklaces. let alone your internal organs. but keep drinking the tea, it won't solve it, but it will keep you warm enough that death can't touch you.
listen to the stupid man, don't let them take you alive.
yes it hypocritical, yes it makes you feel small and insignificant and fucking useless. but just shut up and listen. if it worked but then, it will work now. in a years time you'll have him on your sk
navigation_CI close my eyes and all I see is snow-capped mountains, waterfalls rushing to the tune of our rotation, star-filled nights. We are alone. No one can touch us here, can tear your hand away from mine. We're just laughter and soft silhouettes, our shadows blending into the background. Your fingers through my hair and you whisper you love me and everything is okay, everything is where it should be.
the night outside is cold, and the spark thats jumping between us is too delicate to be left out in this lack of oxygen. but theres something in the stars tonight that seems to tell me that the waves in my chest aren't going to be lasting too much longer. you've got aloe vera fingertips, and they're soothing inside and outside of me.
I count to ten and close my eyes, wondering if you'll still be here when they open again. I count the seconds, days, months, fervantly waiting for the afternoon I come home and find a message from you signed all my love and goodbye until you kiss away my fears and w
don't go if you've got more to sayand last night i saw you, the real you
the you that i had buried under layers and layers of
blues and greens
from trying to find something
that was almost you
but not quite.
and i didn't cry
i didn't shatter into a million stupid pieces
like you were a car with high beams
and i was a scared little deer.
cause i hadn't seen past this you i made up
for so fucking long.
but i remembered
that you didn't catch my attention at first.
but when you did.
i couldn't look away.
and i wish i had have stayed
with my eyes closed.
cause i was so proud of myself
for tearing my heart
away from you
and out of underneath your skin
or between your fingers
stuck to the back of my throat.yesterday i saw you in cracks of my staircase
and inbetween the pages of my class novel.
you look like hell, and i thought the
darkened circles under your eyes
resembled the colour i think my
love for you would probably be.
its saddening that the thick oxygenated
purple and red mix is kind of like
what i saw once one one
of those anti smoking commercials
spilling forth from a dissected lung.
thats what you are.
you're my personal cancer.
to kingdom come.theres something that stains my bones the darkest shade and leaves even
the warmth of your fingertips unable to reach me any more than skin deep.
its like my pinks have thickened, hardened, or just completely lost all
feeling somewhere inbetween the forth and the fifth break or lapse in judgement.
but you whispers melodies or spells into my ears at night that rest and seep
into my skin, and after a month of moons they leave a lightness in my bones
that i carries with me in my heart and in the corners of my lips. and its something
so much more than any of poetic words can ever describe, and its stuck in
chest with a heaviness that i don't want to be there, because this is the lightest
and brightest thing i've ever felt.
and i would say this is new to me, but its not anymore.
cause its been nearly 6 years and i still don't understand how this isn't sinking in.
i know your skin better than my own, and my hands have mapped all the curves and
i've traced the outline of your lips in the grai